What?

I´ve no clue about what is happening to my thoughts. One time I´m thinking about all the things I´ve learned so far at university(ies), the other I´m thinking about going out, vanish, puf! Then, I think I must move on and continue with my ordinary life. Living what I think is life.
I could summarize my life like this: going to university, doing projects, hanging out with my boyfriend (love!), talking to my parents, sleeping, eating, going to english classes, studying and buying stuff. THAT´S IT. What else do I do? NOTHING. At all!!! I think I need a change. Something that´ll be good for everyone that is important in my life. I just don´t know how, where or when to start.
Maybe I should just have a haircut.

What are you gonna do when you stop crying?
Whatever you´re going through is not worth dying!

Untitled

Okay! I´m here just to write something while my boyfriend doesn´t come to pick me up. (Maybe this text will be unfinished). I´ll go out with him today. Where? To the bookshop, the best, biggest one in Recife! I just wish I´d had more money to buy any book I want... like the "Architecture and Philosophy" that I want to read but it´s too expensive and there isn´t any in the library, or the library that might have it, got on a strike about a month ago... and it´s still closed. Now, I think, how can a student of a public university study whithout any library open? Yeah, just in Brazil this happens.
Only here happens that disastrous plane accident. Only because of the fu***** government. That thieves!! I´m so glad I haven´t voted for them las election... SO GLAD! Not to help to give them "power" to do what they´re doing to people here. And the newspapers simply forget about them stealing public money. How dare! One of them has recently stolen a lot of money and what the magazines and newspapers only talk about is the PanAmerican games, and the TAM plane accident in São Paulo. Soon people will forget and everything will go on as if nothing had happended. Fuck this fucking system!
That´s real bad news. My mind is blocked. I can´t think about anything. Nothing more. Nevermore. Time to take my medicine and go out!

Why? Why? Why?

I really don´t know why I can´t see the post that I´ve written earlier today at university. It´s been published properly and I can´t really see it. And, worse, I can´t ask anybody to visit this blog to check it out for me because it has such compromising things... Oh my! Why do I complicate my life so much? Why can´t I make proper friends (not that I don´t have proper friends, but I don´t see them very often and I don´t have new proper friends from my architecture course)? That´s awkward.
Talking about friends... I know I haven´t got plenty of them, like my brother has, but I am happy with it. At least very often, because I don´t really need friends that much. I have a boyfriend, with whom I share all my things, my thoughts, problems, etc. But it´s not like a friend. When I talk with some of my friends it´s a bit different. We laugh, we make jokes, we talk badly about other people, we have fun. But this happens rarely. Like, once in three months we get along togheter. And my boyfriend doesn´t seem to like some of my friends. The ones that I really like. And he doesn´t like my 'new' friends too. I don´t even know why. Sometimes it´s strange when he goes out with my friends and I, of course. I keep talking to my friends and he talks to some mutual friends of ours that go out with the same group. But, at the end, he doesn´t seem to enjoy anything at all. It´s sad. I try to talk to him about that and find some reasons, but he just gets rid of me.
Another thing about the 'friends' subject is that I never make friends that easily. It´s so hard for me to begin a conversation. I´m shy, I admit and it ruins my social life. I don´t behave the same way in front of everyone. That should be called a character problem? I don´t know. Maybe. When I was at school, I used to count my friends in my fingers. I mean, the close ones. I talked to a lot of people but just a few of them I could tell they´re my real friends. But, even being my friends they didn´t ask me to go out, they never call me to their places, or they never talked to me on the phone. It was just a school relationship. And when I get to letras college, I make new friends, different from my reality, but really good friends. I can say I´ll never forget the good things they´ve made to me. For a year or so, I´ve felt like I had a social life. But I just went out with them twice. The first time, only with two of them and it was funny. The other time I had to call my boyfriend to kind of rescue me. Because I was feeling bad by the way my friend´s boyfriend was treating me. And then it was it. None of them has ever invited me properly to their houses, or to go out. I just heard the stories of their mouth after the weekend. And that´s it.
So, when I started in architecture it´s been such a disaster. There are tons of different people and I talk to everybody. My class is divided in about five groups of friends and I don´t fill in any of them. I mean, I talk to everyone, but none of them has got that closer to me. And when I talked to one of my school old friends, she told me that she was feeling the same way. And she said that she was only going to observe people, and then she´ll try to fill in some group. I think I won´t. I´ll just keep on observing the other people. Because that´s what I´ve done my entire life.
I´ll give up on having friends and hang out with them. I´ll be happy by seing my old friend once three months. I´ll be happy to talk to everybody at both colleges and not have to bother being nice to them. I´ll be fine, I promise.

In the school...

Hi there! Here I am again at the University, but now in a far better computer... it´s not as fast as the one I´ve got at home but it´s fine. I can even open more than three windows of internet pages at the same time! Wow! Anyway, I have so much thing to do today. I mean, at least until the end of August if have tons of things to do. I have a project to present next Monday (or, if everything goes like I want, I´ll be able to present it on Thrusday), I have driving lessons to take, many things to draw, other ton to study. And I´m talking only about this weekend. I´ll have certainly a tough time again. I don´t know why I keep saying I have so much to do as if it was a huge event. I have always got a lot to do! Just because I´m busy all the time! I´d really like some free time. But when I get it, I feel even more tired. Strange huh?! I think I´m a bit workaholic. Maybe studaholic would fit better. Even though I think I don´t study that much. I always feel I could have done more, or better. I´ve always felt incomplete about that. I must leave now. Work on a project. And then I´ll eat something. And go to my monitoria.

Take a pill, don´t tell me how to feel.

Free advice for everyone

Some advice for Davy boy - You have to focus. You have to concentrate for the dancing tonight. Go home, have lunch, sleep a little and go to your presentation. Don't forget to pee and, if possible, to poo. If you poo, your clothes will fit better your body. If you get out of here at 11:30 a.m. and your presentation is only at 3 p.m. you can go home and get prepared. It will certainly be better for you. Please, take my advices and go home. And let me go to.

Some advice for myself - You need to read more about Renascentist Architecture. And you need to write and prepare your presentation too. Not like Davy boy you didn't prepared yourself for your presentation. So, you have less chances at being successful. If you get out of here at 11:30 a.m., you can read something in the bus and something while you are at home. Then, you need to make some notes and make the slides. If you do it today, you will be able to do your autocad project tomorrow with Davy boy and both of you will be successful.

Some advice for my psicho-mind - You have do be more open. You need to relax and try to forget or think less about your practical driving lessons tomorrow. You're not going to swallow your tongue. If you just tell your tongue to be in your mouth and help to chew things, it will obey you. You command your body. Don't forget that. Please, take a rest while you sleep because you will be needed very much tomorrow. Don't be mean with the owner of your body.

Some advice for the teacher - You don't need to speak that loud on the phone. Your students are not interested in your pay days and your bank account. Please, try to be more discreet. The other teacher was very mean and you are very nice, so don't mess up your image with the students that are still here with you. Take some notes about what the guy on the phone is talking so you won't forget again. If Paulo is going to tell you the things you need to know now, take notes! Go! Oh my God you're going to lose it. You'll forget it. I'm having a vision of you forgeting the information that Paulo told you. Please don't let it happen. I'm sending you my good Cigana Mayara's good vibrations.

Some advice for everyone in this room - People, go home. And so will I. Stop looking at orkuts, msn, fotologs. It won't take you anywhere. At least I'm here practsing my English, so I'm not wasting my time. Don't waste your time. Do like me and Davy boy, we are good examples to be followed. I'm writing this amazing stuff and he is doing our (mine and his) project.

Some advice for the reader - I'm feeling something for you. Let me feel it more clearly... wait a little. Ok, now it came. You should not stop reading this, until now that I'm going to stop writing.