By Bus

What?

2007-08-16T21:17:00.000-04:00

I´ve no clue about what is happening to my thoughts. One time I´m thinking about all the things I´ve learned so far at university(ies), the other I´m thinking about going out, vanish, puf! Then, I think I must move on and continue with my ordinary life. Living what I think is life.
I could summarize my life like this: going to university, doing projects, hanging out with my boyfriend (love!), talking to my parents, sleeping, eating, going to english classes, studying and buying stuff. THAT´S IT. What else do I do? NOTHING. At all!!! I think I need a change. Something that´ll be good for everyone that is important in my life. I just don´t know how, where or when to start.
Maybe I should just have a haircut.

What are you gonna do when you stop crying?
Whatever you´re going through is not worth dying!

Untitled

2007-07-22T18:20:00.000-04:00

Okay! I´m here just to write something while my boyfriend doesn´t come to pick me up. (Maybe this text will be unfinished). I´ll go out with him today. Where? To the bookshop, the best, biggest one in Recife! I just wish I´d had more money to buy any book I want... like the "Architecture and Philosophy" that I want to read but it´s too expensive and there isn´t any in the library, or the library that might have it, got on a strike about a month ago... and it´s still closed. Now, I think, how can a student of a public university study whithout any library open? Yeah, just in Brazil this happens.
Only here happens that disastrous plane accident. Only because of the fu***** government. That thieves!! I´m so glad I haven´t voted for them las election... SO GLAD! Not to help to give them "power" to do what they´re doing to people here. And the newspapers simply forget about them stealing public money. How dare! One of them has recently stolen a lot of money and what the magazines and newspapers only talk about is the PanAmerican games, and the TAM plane accident in São Paulo. Soon people will forget and everything will go on as if nothing had happended. Fuck this fucking system!
That´s real bad news. My mind is blocked. I can´t think about anything. Nothing more. Nevermore. Time to take my medicine and go out!

Why? Why? Why?

2007-07-05T21:16:00.001-04:00

I really don´t know why I can´t see the post that I´ve written earlier today at university. It´s been published properly and I can´t really see it. And, worse, I can´t ask anybody to visit this blog to check it out for me because it has such compromising things... Oh my! Why do I complicate my life so much? Why can´t I make proper friends (not that I don´t have proper friends, but I don´t see them very often and I don´t have new proper friends from my architecture course)? That´s awkward.
Talking about friends... I know I haven´t got plenty of them, like my brother has, but I am happy with it. At least very often, because I don´t really need friends that much. I have a boyfriend, with whom I share all my things, my thoughts, problems, etc. But it´s not like a friend. When I talk with some of my friends it´s a bit different. We laugh, we make jokes, we talk badly about other people, we have fun. But this happens rarely. Like, once in three months we get along togheter. And my boyfriend doesn´t seem to like some of my friends. The ones that I really like. And he doesn´t like my 'new' friends too. I don´t even know why. Sometimes it´s strange when he goes out with my friends and I, of course. I keep talking to my friends and he talks to some mutual friends of ours that go out with the same group. But, at the end, he doesn´t seem to enjoy anything at all. It´s sad. I try to talk to him about that and find some reasons, but he just gets rid of me.
Another thing about the 'friends' subject is that I never make friends that easily. It´s so hard for me to begin a conversation. I´m shy, I admit and it ruins my social life. I don´t behave the same way in front of everyone. That should be called a character problem? I don´t know. Maybe. When I was at school, I used to count my friends in my fingers. I mean, the close ones. I talked to a lot of people but just a few of them I could tell they´re my real friends. But, even being my friends they didn´t ask me to go out, they never call me to their places, or they never talked to me on the phone. It was just a school relationship. And when I get to letras college, I make new friends, different from my reality, but really good friends. I can say I´ll never forget the good things they´ve made to me. For a year or so, I´ve felt like I had a social life. But I just went out with them twice. The first time, only with two of them and it was funny. The other time I had to call my boyfriend to kind of rescue me. Because I was feeling bad by the way my friend´s boyfriend was treating me. And then it was it. None of them has ever invited me properly to their houses, or to go out. I just heard the stories of their mouth after the weekend. And that´s it.
So, when I started in architecture it´s been such a disaster. There are tons of different people and I talk to everybody. My class is divided in about five groups of friends and I don´t fill in any of them. I mean, I talk to everyone, but none of them has got that closer to me. And when I talked to one of my school old friends, she told me that she was feeling the same way. And she said that she was only going to observe people, and then she´ll try to fill in some group. I think I won´t. I´ll just keep on observing the other people. Because that´s what I´ve done my entire life.
I´ll give up on having friends and hang out with them. I´ll be happy by seing my old friend once three months. I´ll be happy to talk to everybody at both colleges and not have to bother being nice to them. I´ll be fine, I promise.

In the school...

2007-07-05T13:47:00.000-04:00

Hi there! Here I am again at the University, but now in a far better computer... it´s not as fast as the one I´ve got at home but it´s fine. I can even open more than three windows of internet pages at the same time! Wow! Anyway, I have so much thing to do today. I mean, at least until the end of August if have tons of things to do. I have a project to present next Monday (or, if everything goes like I want, I´ll be able to present it on Thrusday), I have driving lessons to take, many things to draw, other ton to study. And I´m talking only about this weekend. I´ll have certainly a tough time again. I don´t know why I keep saying I have so much to do as if it was a huge event. I have always got a lot to do! Just because I´m busy all the time! I´d really like some free time. But when I get it, I feel even more tired. Strange huh?! I think I´m a bit workaholic. Maybe studaholic would fit better. Even though I think I don´t study that much. I always feel I could have done more, or better. I´ve always felt incomplete about that. I must leave now. Work on a project. And then I´ll eat something. And go to my monitoria.

Take a pill, don´t tell me how to feel.

Free advice for everyone

2007-06-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

Some advice for Davy boy - You have to focus. You have to concentrate for the dancing tonight. Go home, have lunch, sleep a little and go to your presentation. Don't forget to pee and, if possible, to poo. If you poo, your clothes will fit better your body. If you get out of here at 11:30 a.m. and your presentation is only at 3 p.m. you can go home and get prepared. It will certainly be better for you. Please, take my advices and go home. And let me go to.

Some advice for myself - You need to read more about Renascentist Architecture. And you need to write and prepare your presentation too. Not like Davy boy you didn't prepared yourself for your presentation. So, you have less chances at being successful. If you get out of here at 11:30 a.m., you can read something in the bus and something while you are at home. Then, you need to make some notes and make the slides. If you do it today, you will be able to do your autocad project tomorrow with Davy boy and both of you will be successful.

Some advice for my psicho-mind - You have do be more open. You need to relax and try to forget or think less about your practical driving lessons tomorrow. You're not going to swallow your tongue. If you just tell your tongue to be in your mouth and help to chew things, it will obey you. You command your body. Don't forget that. Please, take a rest while you sleep because you will be needed very much tomorrow. Don't be mean with the owner of your body.

Some advice for the teacher - You don't need to speak that loud on the phone. Your students are not interested in your pay days and your bank account. Please, try to be more discreet. The other teacher was very mean and you are very nice, so don't mess up your image with the students that are still here with you. Take some notes about what the guy on the phone is talking so you won't forget again. If Paulo is going to tell you the things you need to know now, take notes! Go! Oh my God you're going to lose it. You'll forget it. I'm having a vision of you forgeting the information that Paulo told you. Please don't let it happen. I'm sending you my good Cigana Mayara's good vibrations.

Some advice for everyone in this room - People, go home. And so will I. Stop looking at orkuts, msn, fotologs. It won't take you anywhere. At least I'm here practsing my English, so I'm not wasting my time. Don't waste your time. Do like me and Davy boy, we are good examples to be followed. I'm writing this amazing stuff and he is doing our (mine and his) project.

Some advice for the reader - I'm feeling something for you. Let me feel it more clearly... wait a little. Ok, now it came. You should not stop reading this, until now that I'm going to stop writing.

I find it hard to tell you...

2007-06-26T21:40:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt that´ll swallow your own tongue? Like, as if you´re not feelling your tongue and you think that you´ll swallow it with the food you´re eating? Well, I have. Very often, actually. When I´m in the cinema, it´s more likely to happen. Do I know why? No. I wish I did know. And I wish I didn´t felt stupid to write it down here. Of course i´ll never write it in my portuguese blog, since everyone, even someone of my family can find it. And I know they´ll ask something.
Anyway, it´s bad to feel this. I think I´m going to die, because, whithout your tongue you can´t live. Am i right?! I think I am. I don´t want to die. At least not now. Perhaps someday...
Ok. I´ll get over it. As I always did, when I was younger... all by myself. I´m not good at expressing my feelings anyway. Even to the doctor, with whom I should talk about my feelings. I think I need to talk with someone real. But who? Who´ll understand me? Someday, someday.

All for nothing?

2007-06-21T21:41:00.000-04:00

I was expecting something to happen. And it didn´t. Do you know how frustrated I am? I can´t even imagine. I´m so sad and I can´tm even cry because of the medicines I take every day. Tonight I´ll not take them. I want to cry by myself with nothing and no one to bother me. Not even my thoughts.
Why am I so frustrated? Oh, because I really WANTED, wished, hoped, did all the best to get something that someone told me it would be quite likely to happen and it didn´t. You know, when someone promise me something and he doesn´t keep the promise, I feel very angry, mad, actually. I´m like children: if you promise them that you´ll do or give them something you have to do it, or you´ll be hearing crying, shouting, screaming and will see eyes looking sadly at you.
I look sad, my voice IS sad, I´m devastated. I was going to earn some money because I am doing something very important for me and other people, and now I discover that I´ll be a volunteer. An obliged volunteer. You heard me. I knew there was a chance of this happening but I was so sure that my grades were good that I would certainly get that money. And now I´ve got less stimulation to do what I´m supposed to do. I feel less obliged, though, but I´m still obliged.
Now, what´s left for me is to do what I´m supposed to do. And expect nothing but 'thank you'. I´ll learn a lot, that´s true, but I wanted to be rewarded. I wanted to be one of the best. And I´ve done my best. I´m sure. Someday I´ll try again to see what happens. Now I´ll try to get some sleep, before another tiring day, with tiring people and tiring things to do. Ok, they´re just tiring sometimes and I really need vacations. At least I´m having partial vacations (that counts almost nothing).

I really need to see my doctor. And I´m nervous about learning how to drive in this mad traffic.

I predict a riot

2007-06-17T00:38:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow will certainly be a long, hard, tiring day. I´ll have to do thousands of things. Visit places, take photos, work on a project for monday, another for wednesday. I´ll have also to study for a test on monday morning and for another on monday afternoon. Everything´ll have to be done (and finished) by, at least, midnight.
As it´s actually sunday right now, time is running out. Every minute I spend typing here is a waste of my precious hours of working, studying, etc. And I´m so sorry for my poor boyfriend. Sometimes he gets mad with me beause of my studies. Maybe he thinks I give it too much importance. But I don´t, really, I mean it. It´s just that the teachers think they are the only one in the world and we have only their subject to study. So, they make we do so much things and all of them at the same time. There are some weeks that I spend with nothing to do. But others, I have tons of work to do. It´s terribles. Don´t the teachers know that we have a social live, and, more important for me, a relathionship? That´s why some people say that some teachers are 'not fucked properly for a looooong time' lol. I agree!
Ok, my precious seconds are running out and I need to get some sleep. I want my fucking vacationsssss!!! Why the teachers don´t go on a strike? For about a month, just the time I need to recover my mind, my nerves. Ohmygodhelpmeplease!

Dear Peter

2007-06-08T13:08:00.000-04:00

Hi, how are you again? Today I´m fine. Better than the other day, I suppose. Why I´m writing again? You know, I really need to talk to someone (maybe write to fix better here).
Anyway, today I´m jealous. About who you might ask. About people who have a group of friends. Like, they go out together, they drink, they dance, they share things. I don´t do that, not frequently, not with the same group. I wish I did. That´s why I´m jealous about those people. You may think I´m crazy, but, haven´t you ever felt like this? Have you never wished to be someone else? To be in someone else´s skin for a day or two maybe? I don´t know how I´d do that, but I wish I could. But, I wonder if I have the choice to be someone else, would I really want to be? I don´t think so. But I don´t have the choice now, so that´s why I want to be. Are you understanding this? I think I´m being too phylosophical.
Sorry, you don´t have to follow my crazy thoughts. I´m writing with a little hope that you might understand me and give me some advice, or tell me you have felt this way too. By the way, have you ever got drunk? I have never. I´d really like to, once maybe, just to have the feeling. Don´t laugh at me, please.
Ok, it´s all for now. Thank you for reading this. Hope to see you soon (appear to me someday, I´m free to see you at night, I can´t sleep anyway).
Wooho, Yeehoo (love that sound, say it out loud lol).
Uaba

Tables they turn sometimes

2007-06-06T13:30:00.000-04:00

I was listening to this Coldplay´s song yesterday and I felt something. And when a music makes me feel something (anything) I really feel like writing about it. Maybe it´s to know why I felt that feeling, or maybe I because I need to pay more attention to it. Anyway, song in pink and my comments in black.

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
(It´s happening to me all the time, when I try to think about what to do, the things that I need to do but I just don´t do them...)
When you get what you want but not what you need
(Yesterday, when I was doing my project and listened to this song, I was finishing something that I really thought it was really good, but not what I needed for the time)
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
(Doing three things at the same time make me feel tired, but sometimes I just keep rolling on the bed and don´t sleep, the next day I´m even more tired)
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
(Due to the medicines that I´m taking for about two years, I can´t cry anymore. It´s really difficult for me to cry, even if I´m very tired, or very upset, no tears will come)
When you lose something you can't replace
(I think about my grandpa)
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
(In my case, buses will guide me home, at least, I hope they do)
And ignite your bones
(As they´re falling to pieces)
And I will try to fix you
(who?)

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
(Totally agree with this part, but sometimes I don´t feel like trying)

I would really like to know who read this crap that I write. I you want me to know, leave a comment.

Pictures!

2007-05-27T15:31:00.000-04:00

Oh my God! Google is fantastic! Reeeeeeally. Love it. Thank to the brilliant minds who created it. Be back soon, bye.

At college

2007-05-25T10:20:00.000-04:00

New experience to see my blog in another computer... very different (hate it). Public universities here have the best education, but the worst system. Students are just treated like shit. And, once you're in it you have to adapt yourself into a totally new world, full of different, strange people. And you have to be careful too, of course, not to get in the "wrong way", with bad companies and stuff. It's hard, specially for me, who had never been in a situation where I'm all alone. Now I'm getting used to it. Not that used, but a little.
When I say that people are treated like shit, I mean, not by everyone, but by some people who don't want you to get to their place if you study hard. It's a very mean way to deal with people who really want to "be someone". Professors who were supposed to incentivate you to be the best, to study, etc. just don't do it. Maybe it's because they don't want you to be better than them in the future. I think it's a very kind of "little", limited kind of thought. They'll have to retire soon, and have to get someone to replace their place in the university, of course.
Now I have to stop my thoughts because I've lost my tube (where I put my paper stuff in) and I really have to find it. And, as I'm in a public university, anything can happen to it... I'm worried that someone might have "taken" it as yours. Bad isn't it?! Anyway... good luck for me.

Mad world

2007-05-23T10:35:00.000-04:00

I´m addicted to this song right now!! It´s so sad... I love that. It says so much about some things in my life. I need to do some work now. I´m very strange about doing things that I´m obliged to. I hate that. I hate doing what I hate to do. But I have to. So... bye, have fun.

GARY JULES - "Mad World"

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world

Dear Peter

2007-05-15T20:46:00.000-04:00

How are you? I´m quite fine. Except for a little strange feeling. I feel like returning to my childhood. I want to know how I was like when I was ten years old. Why did I quit having dancing classes, like, what made me do it? What was I thinking when I made the decision? Nowadays I really feel I could be a good dancer, but I don´t have any time left in my schedule to learn how to dance (ballet, jazz, frevo, for example). I tried, in the beggining of last year I had jazz classes, it was very nice, there was only woman, some of them in their fortys. The teacher was cool, but she was pregnant and had to quit giving classes - she couldn´t dancing carrying a baby in her whomb. Then I had pilates classes to be more flexible, so when the jazz classes restarts I would be able to do more things. I really liked my gay teacher, he was really, really, very, very gay. I loved the class, I think I´ve reached some good limits of calmness and it was good for my mental health also. Then I had to quit pilates because of my architecture classes. And here I am. Writing to you, sitting in front of the computer, and i´ve just eatten a plate full of raviolli with a lot of cheese. I need to be a healthier person, eat better, sleep better, do more exercises. It will help to develop my mental habilities too - I think.
Ok, I´m running away from the main subject of the letter. I wish I could predict the future before making any important decision in my life. So, if I could do so, I would have been able to decide to keep having dance classes at ten years old, and now I would be maybe dancing professionally, I would be healthier and more responsible person. Don´t you have that feeling Peter? I hope you understand me and my crazy feelings.
No more for now. I´m just wondering if you can see me, wherever you are in my mind. It would be great to hear your opinions about some things. I´ll write to you as soon as possible. Take care.
Woohoo Yeehoo,
Uaba.

I whish I felt nothing

2007-05-06T09:28:00.000-04:00

I´m not inspired at all today. But I want to write something. I don´t know why, maybe just to keep this blog updated or maybe just to write what I feel right now.
Yeah, I feel. Sometimes I wish I felt nothing because my feelings are so damn intense. When I feel fear I panic, like the worst level of fear. When I´m happy, I want to shout and laugh and talk to everybody. When I´m sad I cry until my eyes have no more tears to fall from (the next day my eyes´d probably be as big as my mouth). That´s why I wish I felt nothing (this phrase remembers me a music from The Wallflowers... i´ll search it to put the lyrics here).
Maybe you should ask me what am I feeling right now. I don´t know how to answer. It´s just maybe that my 'wanting' to write is so huge that I´m writing frenetically, like if I don´t do it now, I´ll never be able to write anymore.
And now I stare, looking at the computer screen, trying to figure out if i´ve wrote any bullshit. Of course I did, I just wanted to write and that´s what I´m doing: writing. Abou anything that comes to my poor little mind. Sometimes I feel sorry about my mind (brain, whatever). I put so many pressure on myself to do my best that I require things from my brain that sometimes I feel it won´t make it. I feel dizzy, almost faint, but I´ve a compromise that´ll do it no matter what. So I don´t mind about my tired mind. My bored soul. Poor of them, I think. But they´re mine, so I do whatever I want to them. I´m so mean.
And my feeling for writing is starting to fall. Why? Beacuse I think I´ve written enough for today, and I´ve eaten nothing since I woke up today (just a glass of water) and my stomach is starting to kind of "glue" on my back, so empty it is. So, when I´m hungry I can´t think. When I can´t think, I can´t write. So I can´t type here anymore. I´m going to eat something and then do what I have to do. Oh, I was almost forgeting the Wallflowers´ lyrics. Here we go.

You say when you're alone
It's better 'cause nobody knows you
When no one's your friend
It's better 'cause nobody leaves you

So you turned your back
On a world that you could never have
'Cause your heart's been cracked
And everyone else's is goin' mad

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

Now all of these people
Come up from deep holes
Pullin' you down
And it's just no use
When all the abuse follows you 'round

By the morning you'd gone
Leavin' me here all alone
Sayin' it's no mystery
I know that nobody here needs me

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you

And I know you believe that you and me
don't belong here
And the worst we could do
Is keep trying to pretend we care

But I hear voices
And I see colors
But I wish I felt nothing
Then it might be easy for me
Like it is for you
Like it is for you,
Like it is for you.

Let´s watch the flowers grow

2007-05-03T21:26:00.000-04:00

I´m soooooooooo happy today. So much to do, but so much hapiness for one day. I love my boyfriend, I love my friends, I´m seeing things with my own eyes. I´m sure it´ll end soon, but who cares? I don´t. I will get what I want, soon, let it be soon God, please! - wow, i´m praying in my blog, glad no one read this things. I need to read some books, finish some conversations, pray and go to sleep. Then, I´ll feel even better tomorrow, yeah! A little song by Coldplay now:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Moment of poetry

2007-04-28T22:12:00.000-04:00

At college, I´m learning things about poetry. Some thechiniques, the verses, the rhyme, the rythim, etc. Not how to write poems, but how to read them. It´s wonderful. Now I know that, for a poem to be a real poem it has to cause some feelings in the reader. If you read a poem and feel happy, or remember something, or even feel angry, this poem is real because you established a relationship with it. Some poem may not be a real poem for two different people, as one of them might not feel anything while reading it. It´s very complicated to explain things about poetry. I´ve also learned that you can live a moment of poetry (poem is the written thing, and poetry involves the whole lot of poems). If you just look at some picture, listen to some music, see someone, anything that can make you feel any kind of feeling. For example, this picture that I posted here made me live a moment of poetry when I saw it, as I felt happy, and also a little disturbed because of the whole lot of colours. You might not feel the same things I´ve felt, but if you feel something when you see it, be sure that you´ve lived a moment of poetry. Another example, just to finish, is if you feel something when you read this text. Then, you´ll live a moment of poetry. I can´t count how many moments of poetry I live in my life, but the most intense, the most vivid ones are still in my memory and inspires me to write, draw, think, and, most important of all, live my life. Without the moments of poetry I´d be nothing, only a modern human being with no feelings and no sensitiveness (does this word exists?). I´d certainly hate myself for that.

You only live once

2007-04-24T21:15:00.000-04:00

Some people think they're always right
Others are quiet and uptight
Others they seem so very nice nice nice nice
Inside they might feel sad and wrong (oh no)

Twenty-nine different attributes
Only seven that you like
Twenty ways to see the world
Twenty ways to start a fight

Oh don't don't don't get out
I can't see the sunshine
I'll be waiting for you, baby
Cause I'm through
Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

Oh Men don't notice what they got
Women think of that a lot
One thousand ways to please your man
Not even one requires a plan (I know)

And countless odd religions, too
It doesn't matter which to choose
One stubborn way to turn your back
This I've tried, and now refuse

I´m listening to this song right now... it´s by The Strokes. Very interesting I think, well that´s why I´ve posted it. It´s so strange to think that you only live once, you only have one opportunity on Earth, and there are so MANY things to choose. So many options, so many ways. It´s quite crazy. If you think... why I chose this and not that at that particular moment. Things could have been so different if you had only a second chance - a third, a fourth, a fifth... lol. Many movies talks about this subject, but I can´t remember a single name. Anyway... I feel strange when I think about the things that I could have done and didn´t. Yeah, it´s just a feeling that I can call odd.

Girlie

2007-04-22T23:44:00.000-04:00

I changed the tamplate today... I think I want more changes in my life than just the layout of my blog. Talking about my way of life. I wanna waste less time, but not to be a workaholic. I also want to travel abroad... if I had money. But I will, someday I will. And organize my time better. Spend more time with my dear boyfriend, read more books, make more loyal friend, meet the old friends frequently. Yeah. Definetly. I know I can make it. Changes had already begun. Something is happening inside me. I can feel.

Happiness, more or less
It´s just a change in me,
something in my liberty
oh, oh my my.

Open your eyes

2007-03-18T15:34:00.000-04:00

A song by Snow Patrol.

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

How to improve your vocabulary

2007-03-11T12:31:00.000-04:00

Something I thought was interesting to write about here is how to improve your vocabulary. There are things that you learn "by heart", only listening and reading so many times that you get used to it and began to use that language. This process is called the passive-receiving vocabulary. But there are some expressions that you can´t remember that easily because they´re not used so often. So, you need to start to use them when you are practising your spoken English and, better, when you are writing. That helps a lot to fix these new vocabulary that you learn. All you need is an active-producing process, meaning: writing and speaking. Use the new vocabulary as much as you can.
So, that´s why I´ve created this blog. To help me to fix new vocabulary by writing, as I can´t speak English at home because only my brother knows and he wouldn´t talk to me in English at all (he´s so non-helpful to me).
What else you can do to improve your vocabulary is helpful. I usually watch films in English, and some of them that i´ll see the second time, I try to put the subtitles in English, so that I can learn more and more. Another thing that I do is to read pocket books, they´re cheap and small so you can read anywhere (in a bus, for example, the place where I read most of times). I listen to music and try to sing along... ok, I´m a terrible singer, but I only sing in the bathroom or when no one is around lol. Another thing is to play games in English. I ocassionally made a friend who was from England and started to talk with him using msn. But then I lost touch with him because I gave up using the msn (I don´t know why, but I hate to use that for useless chat, it´s so much better to talk live, I think).
Anyway, you can try other things to improve your English. I´m just improving mine here, and if you´re reading this, you´re improving your English too!! Yeah babe!!

Me, emo?

2007-03-06T22:34:00.000-04:00

This is a kind of joke that I made to myself today. I discovered a dress-up game where you can make an emo doll ( click on this link to make yours too, i´m sure you´ll have a lot of fun lol, oh, and you can also make an emo guy if you want: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/36974233/?qo=331&q=black+and+white&qh=boost%3Apopular+age_sigma%3A24h+age_scale%3A5) lol. It´s very simple... you just drag and drop the clothes you want with your mouse to make the doll (read the instructions if you need). So... I made this one inspired in myself. All the kids joke about my "emo" way... Ok. Let me explain. I´m NOT emo. Just because I wear a belt, a necklace, piercings, and i have an emo haircut it doesn´t mean that I´m one of them. It´s just some accessories that I like to wear... It isn´t fair to call me emo. I don´t even listen to that kind of music. And I don´t have any emo friends too. Hummmm... that´s all for now... I just had nothing to write about and decided to write about these silly stuff. I think I´m not even improving my English... which, by the way, is the aim of this blog. Anyway, thanks for the attention of those who read this "text"... I´ll be honest, you´ve just wasted a good time. Go find some job, or... create a blog like I did. lol. Emo goodbye to everyone. T_T (i´m crying, i´m not emo, please, don´t label meeeee, i hate labels!!!) Let me drink my milk and go to the mall. >_<

Feel Like

2007-02-27T10:16:00.000-04:00

Really, I don´t feel like posting everyday on my portuguese blog (Take-me), but I like this one very much. It´s quite strange, isn´t it?! I think so... Anyway, I just came to post something here. Don´t know what until I started to type. See, the blog that I write in portuguese has an English title... why? Because I was too immature, or I had no vision of the future when I created it. I just loved the "take-me" thing in Travis´ song, so I decided to put it. Yeah, just because I liked it. I was very odd in my sixteen years old - ok, now i´m in my nineteen, but who cares? I´ve changed a lot I think. Not that "lot", but it was an impressive improvement.
I can´t keep on writing a lot today... I´m sick and I have classes in one and a half hours and I´m still wearing pyjamas. So, I´ll leave my text here, incomplete. Bye.

With whom am I talking anyway?

Lucky Men

2007-02-25T23:22:00.000-04:00

Hapiness, more or less
It´s just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh my, my!

Shopping

2007-02-25T00:41:00.000-04:00

Today I´ll try to type some things that I can remember from the class I´ve had on saturday morning. It´ll be quite difficult as It´s 2 a.m. on Sunday and I´m so tired. But I´ll try. Anything for the English babe! lol.
Today´s class was about going shopping and also about new inventions to help people in buying and advices about sales. It was quite interesting as I could talk a little about my shopping experiences, wich, by the way, are a fair wide. We listened to four parts of american radio programmes. The first one was about people who, along with the government, helped others to see if the sales are really worth it. It was like a governamental education programme to help people saving money by analysing sales. The second part was about a new invention that instead of selling soft drinks in that machines (I think it´s 'pending machines' but I´m not sure) that you put the money and press the button and take the drink, selling i-pods in them. You just put your credit card, select the product and take it home. I thought this invention was useless... Then, the third part was about a new invention too, but it was some kind of mirror, that takes a picture of you when you are trying on clothes in stores and you send it to someone to give his/her opinion about the clothe. I think it´s so useless too. No need... I mean, you don´t have any opinion? Or why can´t you take a picture of it using your cellphone? Ok. The last one was about going shopping as a 'non shopping company', like you are not going to shop for yourself, just help other person and hold their purses and wait. So some shops were trying to keep these kind of people happy while they´re waiting by serving coffee, puting a comfortable sofa, or even giving beer to the husbands. That one was quite funny. I thought about my father who hates going shopping with me and my mother.
Ok. That´s enough for now... I think this blog will help me a lot to remember things that were seen in class. I´ll just tipe everything that I can remember. That´ll be nice, very nice. Even if no one reads - and I hope so.

Language development

2007-02-22T18:20:00.000-03:00

I´m back to English classes, so now I´m going to exercise something about word formation. First one is spelling:

difference responsible persistence believable confidence collapsible appearance defensible performance adaptable correspondence suitable dependence reversible assistance breakable existence flexible preference adjustable

Now i´ll have to make some words negative by using the correct prefixes:
1) unsafe/insecure/unpredictable/unwell
2) unable/incapable/informal/inadequate
3) irresponsible/irrelevant/unrealistic/irrational
4) impatient/unpleasant/improbable/immature
5) illegal/illogical/illiterate/unlucky

That´s enough for now, as I´ll have to go to class quite soon. I liked to do this... I think it´ll be great for me to exercise... next i´ll write the composition.

Trying

2007-01-04T18:55:00.000-03:00

I´m trying to find a new template for this blog... anyone knows why we, old users of the blogspot can´t use the new features? I really don´t know... please, comment if you do. I would like to see the new layouts and stuff to put on my blog!! I´m a little sick of this one... It´s so old!!! Anyway... just here to say Happy New Year, yeah!! Bye...

Jerk it out, babe!!!
It´s easier once you know how it was done o.O

No news!

2006-12-27T01:03:00.000-03:00

Yeah... that´s really what I said on the tittle: "no news". I´m here, once again (in a month) to post something that I don´t really know what it is. Anyway... no one comments in this blog. Plus, who cares about buses? People care about cars, those beautiful and modern that are in the shops and you pay a lot for them. But buses? See... what do they have new? NOTHING! Yeah... just new "line' once a year or, luckly, once six month. Or the broken ones substituted by new ones, but "new things" that no one even notice. Yeah. My blog is about my experience with buses, but people don´t really like them. When I tell someone that I LOVE going on buses, people just say: "Oh my God you´re crazy!". Just that... and ignore me completly. I think I like to see the good side of the things... I mean, of the buses (because the rest of the things in life I don´t really see anything optimistic - beside SOMEthings of course).

I´ll just leave this text like this... not started and not really finished. Actually, I think I´ll never finish it. Yeah, I´ll NEVER finish this post. I´ll never finish this blog. I love this blog, and I love buses.

* Just to mention, in case someone reads this post... I live in Brazil, and maybe the public transport is a little bit different in your country, so people can like it very much, just ignore it, or hate it. Here, people hate OR love, there is no AND. Thanks for the attention.

Trick or treat?

2006-11-09T23:49:00.000-03:00

I went to a Halloween party at college today, it was so much fun. Everyone danced, even the professors lol. We had presentations and performances about Halloween, people were dressed like witches, vampires, dark creatures. We made Jack-o-lanterns and we ate many candies. Apart from dancing very much. And we even missed classes beacause of that, ok, we didn´t miss anything as the professor was there too at the party. It was sooooooo great. At the end of the party I was all sweating and smelling bad, lol, because here is too hot and the windows of the room were closed.
Ok, that´s enough. I need to sleep early today as tomorrow there´ll be no Halloween parties, but real class. Back to real life.

I will not abandonne this blog. I love English. It´s just because I´m in a hurry most of the days, as it´s the end of the semester, so we´ll have exams, projects to make, etc. No more for now. Bye.

Visit my new blog in portuguese, if you know this language, wich is my native language.
http://uaba.vox.com

Ouch... my head

2006-10-29T01:27:00.000-04:00

It´s 2:30 am and i´m here in the computer. Damn. I have to open the door for my brother, as he´s is a party. I don´t know when is he going to come... I hope it´s soon so I can sleep. I´m tired. I want my bed... my pillow and stuff. I´m sick of this computer and of the internet. My head is dizzy, I don´t know how i´m typping anything that makes sense. And in English. Omg.
I´m impressed right now because there are so many fotologs about celebrities, papparazzi stuff. It´s useless. Why do people care about what some famous girl is doing? about her look, new hair, dresses, etc. It´s such ridiculous. I don´t like those fans. People who spend their life, energy and time searching pictures, creating websites, omg. There are thousends, hundreds, millions maybe of this things. And all the same thing. The only change is the face of the celebrity.
Why is this place where I live so hot. I´m melting. Sweating. I´ve just taken a shower and I feel like I´ve just come out of a sauna. Damn. Fuck. Soooooo hot. Global warming is affecting my city directly. Wow. I think there´ll be a tsunami soon and the wave will cover my city and it´ll disappear forever. It´ll be great. I love strong emotions, catastrophes, this kind of thing. I wanted to be in the twin towers the day that the plane crashed there. Ohhhhh I could have seen all that mess, people running desperately... I don´t know why I like unexpected things, big things, that affects the whole world. Maybe it´s because I have never been part of it.
Once there was a building in fire in front of my house. The building had like 20 floors and the top floor was burning. I looked through the window and saw the fire. I think that my eyes became shiny lol. I started running around the house, the fireman were already there and the pipe didn´t reach the top floor... it was too short. I called my mother and my father. I was about 12 years old and my brother 9. We picked our favorite teddy bears and begun to run to the street. People in the neighborood were really afraid, running in the streets in panic. That was awsome!! My father picked up a fire extinguisher and wen to the top of our building with some neighbours to try to avoid the pieces of wood in fire that were falling from the burning building. I wanted to be there with my father... it would have been like a videogame, but no lives left lol. Instead I went to a friend of mom´s house and we drank glasses and glasses of water until the fire was controlled by the fireman. We went back home and then everything was ok. The day after there was the news about the fire in the newspaper and some local tv news programme. I told all my friends at school that I was there, it was in front of were I live and they looked really impressed. I was feeling like a hero. It was a great experience, but not as huge as I wanted it to be. In fact, I wanted the building to fall. Nevermind. I´m sure i´ll find better opportunities.
Wow... look how much i´ve wrote. Yeah, i´m inspired by the warm weather lol. But my head is still dizzy. I want to SLEEP damn. Where the fuck is my fucking brother? Why didn´t he took the keys with him? Damn him. Tomorrow i´ll have to do a huge project for college. I´m in trouble. Yeah, real trouble. I´m figuring everything out. What I have done to my life. In november it´ll become a real mess. I´ll have to be in two places at the same time!! But i´m not Hermione, I live in a mug world. Well... maybe I should try some magic, here in Brazil it´s called "macumba" (I love this name, it´s so funny). I´m going to do a "macumba" to be in two places at the same time. Damn. I don´t know how to do "macumba". Ok, i´ll see what I can do... it´s not november yet.
I WANT TO SLEEP. Why am I still typping here?? I can´t even think about anything to write. I´m hungry. But i´m not going to the kitchen... I´m afraid of the dark. I´ll have to wait till my brother comes. I want to read a book. I have to wash my face, take off the make up. Tomorrow i´ll have to vote in our "democratic" election. Yeah. Here everyone from 18 to 70 years old is forced to vote. I think it´s pretty crazy. But i´m in Brazil, I can´t be surprised with anything here.
There are some ants around my computer. Is it serious, or i´m starting to have alucinations? NO. The ants are REAL. I think they´ll eat my computer. Some people say that ants like to reproduce inside the computers and they can make a big mess and even brake the computer. I´m afraid. Afraid of stupid ants.
Ok, it´s enough. I´ve never written more in English in my life I think. There must be some huge mistakes in the text but i´m sleepy, tired and dizzy, so what could you expect? For me to write a bestseller? Damn you. I´m in a bad situation. If I go to sleep, my brother will have to wait untill somebody wakes up to opend the door for him. If I don´t go to sleep my head will really be 100% tomorrow to do my project. Well... I don´t know what option to choose. I would really like to know how many words I´ve written so far... just curiosity. Kill ants, kill ants, kill ants, kill ants before they destroy my computer!! I´m starting to have alucinations with those ants. They´re going up to my hands, i´ll have to kill them. Kill ants, kill ants, kill ants, kill ants, kill ants, kill ants...
MY BRAIN DOESN´T WORK ANYMORE.
I´m going to hit the keyboard with my head. It´ll be grat fun and I´ll kill the ants with my forehead. I think it´ll also help to keep me awake. There I go...
ghfgnb njnfgvujhuungh7690-lkjmn vgf vhn belçllkkkmhjn joimjomijoimijomkjokjoko
THAT´S ENOUGH. It wasn´t helpful at all. No my hair has gone wild. I think i´ll never read what I wrote today. I´m going to bed. I can´t keep my yes opened anymore. Bye (if anyone read this shit).
OooooooohhhhhhhhSHIT.

Walking in the sun

2006-10-24T13:28:00.000-04:00

I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue...
Well it's easy to see from a-far
And it's easy to be on your guard
But it's harder just to be who you are...
When these people
Who will lead you down the back of the track
They're on your back
They will try and tear you apart
But believe and you will see there's no reason to doubt
Then you will find you can do much better than that
If you think of all the things that you feel
All the voices in your head that you hear
It's a mystery that's we're all still holding on
If you see me
Hit the ground
Don't come near
Don't make a sound
I was walking along in the sun
Taking pictures of everyone
And there's something on the tip of my tongue.

This song is by Travis, my favorite band in the entire world. I´m listening to it right now... it´s so beautiful and if you pay attention to the lyrics you´ll see that it´s beautiful too. I completly agree with this song... specially the parts that I put in italics. Don´t you agree? It´s very hard to be who you are. Specially these days, where people are so concerned about what the others will think of themselves. In fact, people don´t care about the others, just about their opinion. It´s terrible. They really lead you down the back of the track... they don´t like you as you think they might. Hey, we can do much better than that. I think so. And that´s why I´m gonna finish this post that I think no one will read and I´m going to college, to do my works the best as I can. Then I´ll have a wonderful dinner with my boyfriend, I´ll make him happy. At least I´m gonna try to do my best. I can always do better than I did. At least I can try. Please, try tou too.

I found...

2006-10-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

I don´t know who wrote this (song? text?) thing but I found it very beautiful so I´ll post it here. If someone knows who made this, please leave a comment, I would be very pleased.

sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move
awake but cannot open my eyes
and the weight is crushing down on my lungs
i know i can't breathe
and hope someone will save me this time
and your mother's still calling you insane
and high swearing it's different this time
and you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
and that god never blessed her insides
then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
and crawl back into bed to dream of a time when your heart was open wide
and you love things just because like the sick and dying

and sometimes when you're on
you're really fucking on
and your friends they sing along
and they love you
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fucking cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence
but you'll fight
and you'll make it through
you'll fake it if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile
and you'll be better
you'll be smarter
more grown up
and a better daughter or son
and a real good friend
and you'll be awake
you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
and you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
and you'll be a real good listener
you'll be honest
you'll be brave
you'll be handsome
and you'll be beautiful
you'll be happy

your ship may be coming in
you're weak but not giving in
to the cries and the wails of the valley below
your ship may be coming in
you're weak but not giving in
and you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them

Template changed

2006-10-18T10:27:00.000-04:00

I thought the old one was too white for me. My skin is really white, so I see white everyday, all the time so... I don´t need more white.
I´m really busy right now, i´ll have classes soon and I have to take a shower, get dressed, this kind of stuff. As I´m a very perfeccionist person I take a long time doing things that should take just a few minutes. Like this post. I should have finished it because if I don´t do it right now i´ll be very late for class. Bye then.

Brazilian culture

2006-10-13T20:25:00.000-04:00

Brazilian culture? Brazilian culture... I´m not sure about what to say, I could try to describe Brazilian culture in a bad way or in a good way. I think i´ll choose my way instead. I´ve been to several places in my country. I live in Recife, which is a really big city and has it´s problems. But I have also visited Bahia, Rio Grande do Sul, Natal, Fortaleza, Sergipe, Paraíba... only these places I think. I think they´re quite beutiful but their people, well people change from place to place. Some places you´re treated like a real person, but other places you´re almost humiliated. I say it as a NorthWest person. People from the south of the country don´t like us. We´re like the "bad" side, the "poor" side, the "criminal" side, I mean, the worst part of the country. People are ugly, violent and don´t speak the real portuguese where I live. But that´s the people from the South´s view. And, of course I hate it.
The "nortwestians" are really humble people (well, maybe most of us). We are really hard-working and stuff. In fact, I should say that there is a huge competition here between North and South. I think I should "jump" this part and talk about our "megalomaniasm" (does this word exist? If someone could tell me I woul aprecciate).
People in Brazil like to say things like: we have the biggest forest in the world, we have the most beautiful places in the world, our woman are the most beautiful in the world, we have the best soccer players and the best soccer player of all the times, we are the most friendly people in the world, here is the place who has the most part of the Catolic people in the world, we have the most beautiful flora and fauna, we have samba, beaches, carnaval, caipirinha, Rio de Janeiro and the biggest Jesus Christ statue in the whole world.
I think that´s enough... if you remember something tell me, please. In my opinion, we are the most meagalomaniac people in the world. But only for stuff that doesn´t matter at all. We also have poor people, who can´t read, write or even speak well, who live in dirty and like in an animal condition. I can´t forget the biggest thieves in the world, who steal public money and pretend that they´re working for the "people". I´m really sick of the politics in Brazil.
I don´t hate this place, I really like my country but I just think that people here are controlled by the media and manipulated by them to think that we are "the best". People are so inocent here. And there are the ones who adore american culture - particularly I write and speak English because I only know this language apart from Portuguese, beacuse I´m studying languages and I need to practice. Anyway, I think most of us are just inocents manipulated by the smartest.

Did you like my "Brazilian view"?
Oh, I don´t live in Ukraine lol.

World´s gone crazy

2006-10-11T12:51:00.000-04:00

Back to post something. What do you think of the template? It´s not made by me because I don´t know the blogger tags, I only know the brazilian blogger tags lol. I think it´s good enough for me. Too white but still good. I´m not in a hurry now so I could keep writing anything that comes to my mind right now but the fact is that there is nothing coming to my mind. Oh! What a stange thought huh?!
Now i´m staring at my table... I notice that yesterday there were two coins on it, but now there´s only one. But i´ve not left my bedroom except to drink some water and get some food in the fridge. Who has taken the coin? I have an idea but I can´t tell you. Just as soon as I am sure about it. Strange things happening in my house lol.
Ok. I´ll stop writing crazy things. See... the world now is very worried. North Korea has a bomb, a huge bomb. OmG. I´m really afraid that there can start the third world war!! I´m very afraid of people right now. What are they doing for money, for taking control of the whole world. Those crazy megalomaniac are going to finish with all the human beings on Earth. There will be no Earth for sure if somehow North Korea decides to drop the bomb. I´m thinking about it. And I don´t have a good feeling at all.

What the fuck is happening to my profile? I´m trying to change the image but it´s impossible. Damn you blogger!! Ok... now it´s fine.
Thank you Gregg for the comment... I really change North and South Koreas I don´t know why. This thing is really making me going mad.

First time

2006-10-11T11:02:00.000-04:00

Hi! This is my new blog, the "By Bus". Another time i´m trying to maintain a blog written only in English. It´s very difficult for me to write everyday since I don´t really know what to write. This time I´ll try hard to keep this blog. Now I´m looking for a template to make this thing more like me. Ok. Bye then.